Of Lemons and Lemonade

l e m o n

THE SONG WITHIN

The Effort.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010 ( 2:52 AM )

My effort at restraining myself tonight was fantabulous, I must say.

Well, I suppose the situations weren't that bad.

Relatively.

But there were many times I had to hold back from bursting out, with what would have probably been seen as a loud outburst.

In several conversations, I may add.

And now it is 2:40am.

Why am I still awake?

Because certain people have not yet slept.

My sleeping patterns have become completely messed up this semester.

It is now impossible for me to sleep before 12am.

The earliest I have slept this semester would probably be around 12:30am.

You know what I realised today?

That I actually am quite blessed to have pulled through so many situations without becoming depressed.

Maybe I realise the futility of that.

Or maybe, I just can't stand myself being like that.

Whatever it is = (Y)

I also realised that Malaysian English classes are stupid.

What kind of English class learns how to construct words into sentences in the 11th grade?

Stupid.

Tomorrow, or today rather, I start training at a new job.

Which will be a very interesting one-man show every Wednesday.

Can you imagine.

A whole store run by yours truly.

Oh, deary me.

Tomorrow I shall definitely book my flights.

Definitely.

What I can learn from today's events (and from previous study)...

Boy: (angry voice) WHAT! Can you just wait a minute?!
Girl: (nice voice) Why are you yelling at me like you're irritated with me?

Boy: (angry voice) I'm n... *trails off*

(forced nice voice) I'm not irritated with you.

How useful.

I shall try it again next time =)

Even though I know how you operate baby..

I Still Love You.

What a Day

Monday, April 26, 2010 ( 3:32 AM )

It's been another very emotionally draining day.

I'm tired from all the events that have happened today.

I thought I knew what I wanted.

I still know what I wanted.

I wonder whether I should want that.

I Wonder.

You make me smile.

You make my day.

You bring me sunshine.

You clear the grey skies.

I don't care what other people say, I'm going to continue doing what I was doing.

Because I love it.

Because I love you.

I know they're scared.
I know they love me.

But I'm adamant.

My mind is made up.

My resolve is firm.

You're the one I want.

You're worth the fight.

And I know it'll be hard.

And I know it's not always smooth sailing.

But I hope you think it's worth the effort.

I know you think it's worth the effort.

Otherwise you would have given up long ago.

We'll do it together.

Because two of us is better than one.

No matter what we face -

with each other, with other people

We'll overcome.

Win.

For now and always, I'll be forever

Yours alone

Tired.

Saturday, April 24, 2010 ( 2:42 AM )

I just got home.

It's 2:32am so not too bad, I guess >.^

Ended up in the Court tonight.

How did that happen? O_o

I got dragged along by other people.

Supposed to go to the casino but ended up going club instead?

At least it was a fun night =)

Dancing with the boy.

Although now I seem to be stuck with the usual head a bit pounding and ears slightly fuzzy syndrome.

As seems to be the norm after every clubbing experience.

And no, not head pounding from drinking as I didn't even drink tonight.

I'm a good kid >.^

So happy today that all my assignments were handed in.

Well, the three that were due today anyway.

It's a load off my mind.

Now I just worry about the marks.

But next week is a whole new week.

With a whole load of new tests, quizzes and assignments to do.

Our exam timetables were released and mine sucks.

I got TWO exams on the first.

One of the seventh.

One of the eleventh.

Why do they have to be so spaced out!

Okay, I'm out.

Super tired from being out from 7am - 2:30am.

19 and a half hours out of the house.

And from being squashed and run into by many unknowns.

Note to self: Never wear 10cm heels to a club again.

Next thing I know, I come home and they move onto another club.

It's okay.

I still love you boy.

Be Safe.

Happy Birthday!

Friday, April 23, 2010 ( 2:59 AM )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

To My Fantabulous "Brother"

The really, really, REALLY old.

So old I don't think I even know when it was taken.

Our first concert together
(really, really old)

The really, really old.

Still really, really old.

the quite old

slightly more recent, but we're still acting like ducks.

Yes, I know I skipped a whole generation of photos here.

But

You're 19 already and we missed our traditional celebration on the 19th of April.

But it's okay, because now we're *all* legal, finally!

We can go out an celebrate in style!

ily xo

I Want You, I Need You...

Thursday, April 22, 2010 ( 1:06 AM )

..Oh Baby, Oh Baby.

I love that movie >.^

I am super stressing right now with all the assignments that are due on Friday.

I have finished one law one, but the other one has only just been started!

And, it's a research essay!

And, I have no idea how to do the statistics assignment!

I signed up for law and commerce!

Not maths!

Okay, okay I supose that commerce is expected to have some maths, but not like this.

I predict that tomorrow (today) is going to be a very, very long day.

I forsee a late night in the university, definitely.

At least my baby is going to be there with me >.^

I cannot wait until Friday 5pm when all the assignments are done and handed it.

I wil go crazy on Friday night before returning to reality on Saturday morning.

My baby played me a song he wrote on the guitar and sang for me!

Super happy ^.^

Happy Happy Happy

What a good ending to the night.

I love you.

Once in a while

Wednesday, April 21, 2010 ( 1:44 AM )

My internet died!

Well, from 1pm - 1am it dies because over maxed the cap already so I can only access it from 1am - 1pm.

I suppose it's just as well because I usually end up online at 1am anyway.

Now I am forced to do my work before which, I suppose, is a good thing.

I managed to complete a solid over 3 hours input into my assignment that is due this Friday.

The only bad thing, however, is that now I am forced to complete my research assignment in the time in university. Oh dear, that is going to be terrible.

I forsee a late night in the university 24/7 area.

If only my assignments would all complete themselves.

Speaking of which, I think my group is a bit screwed for the speech that is going to be coming up.

We have done nothing.

nothing. zilch. de nada.

I'll worry about that after this weekend though >.^

Trying to get all the three imperative assignments out of the way.

My head is spinning from all the readings and the writing and the typing.

Such a long process to get something written out from the cases and the acts.

It's a good thing I excel at writing bs for essays.

Actually I'm getting quite tired of coming on so late.

I can really feel the tiredness getting to me lately.

I slept so much today, and it still wasn't enough.

Stress. Stress. Stress.

This semester is suddenly so stressful. I think I prefer science, much easier >.^

Actually, I quite like commerce. I never though I would, hence why I've never done it before.

Even though I've just done accounting I suppose, but it's something I think I could get into.

Law is good too, and it can actually be interesting but I'm just way too lazy to do so much preparation.

But without the preparation, I have no idea what people are talking about and I cannot answer anything in all the discussions that take place.

I'll never walk away from you to tell you I don't need you.

I need you. You need me.

Perfect.

Dinner Time

Monday, April 19, 2010 ( 3:38 AM )

Finally had the birthday dinner tonight, and Jovan's birthday dinner too.

It was quite okay, although the two tables felt like we were having separate dinner's althogether.

Ended up in a club afterwards, which I must say, was quite fun.

Better than the last time at any rate.

Sad, had to leave early about 2am.

Super, super, super tired.

My mother is making me quit my job.

Again, very sad because I like my job :(

All the awesome food that I get to eat.

On the other hand, I just got two new jobs.

So we'll see how they go first.

Should be good though.

I'm wondering when I'm going to be able to fit my studies in?

It has been an interesting few days.

I think a few things that should have been sorted a while ago were finally sorted.

Better late than never right >.^

Although, I suppose it should show where short cuts get you.

The beauty of a meritocracy.

I think we're beginning to understand, beginning to learn.

Slowly.

Baby Steps.

We'll get there one step at a time.

We have a whole lifetime to work on it :)

Not that the stress completely stop immediately.

That would be called fantasy.

But hopefully, surely, slowly that will all change.

I know you love me, I love you too.

Ohno, time to return to the wonderful world of Giannarelli vs. Wraith (1988) 165 CLR 543

Why Is It That

Saturday, April 17, 2010 ( 3:23 AM )

Everytime something really good happens, it is followed by something bad.

Maybe I can't live without the drama and fire and heat?

Actually, I can definitely go with that lifestyle right now.

What do you do when someone is not into something as you are?

Is that a problem?

Sometimes, yes.

How do you move two immovable boulders?

The roots have gone too deep.

How do you change without breaking?

It's all a vicious cycle. Only one small thing needs to change before a new course is set.

We understand. We know. We see.

But how do you change things? Where do you start?

I'm so exhausted of fighting already. My willpower is wearing thin.

How much longer can I take this?

My 18th birthday has been and gone.

I don't feel any older.

Turning older doesn't erase anything.

Everything that was there the day before, is still there the day you wake up that age.

Age is a number, not a state of mind.

The cell celebration of my birthday was really sweet :)

Hopefully I will be able to get some photos of it later from someone.

There were a lot of candles and cakes.

And Charlotte made an awesome card >.^

And then I got creamed with my own birthday cake...

I still love you.

Continuing With Tradition

Thursday, April 15, 2010 ( 1:52 AM )

On at 1 something am again.

I am very consistent, I must say.

Accoutning mid-semester exams were released today! I stressed for nothing, got 90%.

Yay, such a relief >.^

Now, just have to finish that assignment for accouting up, then I'll be done until the final exam.

I think the last few months have been the most emotionally stressful in my life.

Well, after a few other incidences, that is.

Nevertheless, they have been really tiring. I feel like I need a long holiday, but I have no idea how to go about doing that. It doesn't ever seem like something you can just get up and walk away from.

I can't run away from everything forever, it's always going to catch up with me.
And, who know's how it's going to be when I return? That is what worries me the most.

Will it all just stop becuase I'm not there? Will you forget if you don't see?

Worried about the winter holidays.

Trust is the only thing that will stop the worries, I know that.

But how do you go about fixing something that was broken? Especially something as important as this.

You once said to me, that it is a process of watching and waiting to see if something has changed.

And that statement was made about me.

But, does it not also apply in this case? If I am supposed to be watched and looked at to see if there is a change, should I also be watching and looking to see if there is a change?

I want to have the assurance that it's not how it appears when you first see the situation, but it's getting harder and harder to do that as time goes on and the same things keep happening.

Someone once said, your partner should be everything you're not and you should be everything they're not.

I think that applies very well in this case.

But that shouldn't mean that you accept it as that and never work to try and bridge some differences between your thinking. Otherwise no-one would every have any peace.

Just because some things are already in that situation doesn't mean that it has to lie there forever.

Everyday comes the struggle whether this is the right thing, whether all the emotional stress is worth it. And so many times I feel like just giving up, putting up the white flag.

But at the end of the day, we'll always come back to the same place.
Not meeting at the halfway point, but meeting outside the situation.
Restart. Renew. Refresh. Revive.

Not that everything is always emo and gloomy, I really cannot stand people who are emo all the time.

Everday you amaze me.

Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a bad >.^

I don't think I will ever know what you're thinking. In those rare moments I actually get a glimpse into that side of you, it confuses me so much. So often your thoughts conflict with your words and actions.

You like to run circles around me, sometimes just for fun and sometimes because you really have no idea either. The only person who can make me laugh, cry, get angry and laugh again in the space of 5 minutes.

The only one who is stubborn enough to fight against me and act dumber than I.

You call me silly, I call you crazy.

I still love you.

1 Day Until The One-Eight

Gray Day

Wednesday, April 14, 2010 ( 1:30 AM )

I've noticed that I like to come online between 12am-1am everyday.

My normal abnormal time >.^

One of the mid-semester exam results finally came out today.

The average mark was 13.2 out of 30.

Fail.

Thankfully I passed, of course, but that means the exam must have been as hard as I thought.
When I looked at last years paper's for the mid-semester, they were so much easier.

I'm stressed about the final exam now.

The accounting mid-semester result is coming out on Thursday in the tutorial.

Today, I went to university to sleep >.^

Well, I actually went intending to go to class, but I ended up arriving at 8am and sleeping until 12:30pm.

Not actually in the university, of course. Who does that?

Oh wait, I do know of some people who do that =P

After 12:30pm, I went for lunch and attended the last two classes.

It's amazing, I have never once missed an accounting lecture or tutorial.

Which, if you know me, is a record.

The weather really, really sucks - rain, wind and gray sky.

How depressing.

2 Days Until The One-Eight

What is it...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 ( 12:50 AM )

...with older guys and liking younger girls in a very flirty-type way.
Not just a one or even a few years, more like 5 - 10 years.

flirt flirt flirt.

I suppose there is nothing really wrong with that but just....

....can you not find someone your own age to flirt with like that?

It seems to be a trend.

I spent two hours today arguing about the Rogers vs. Whitaker case in tutorial.

And I don't think we even formed a solid conclusion, just the smatterings of one that is about the be formed.

It's a good thing that I actually did my tutorial preparation otherwise I'll die in the discussions.

I hope that no one ever talks to me about torts again until next semester.

Some hope.

I discovered a very nice piece today called All of Me by John Schmidt >.^
I want someone to play it for me! Actually, I'd love to be serenaded by music from a guy. So sweet, right?
It's happened a few times and everytime is so sweet :)

Piano, guitar or violin I don't mind. As long as you can play it nicely for me!

Sexy.

My random news of the day.

My birthday dinner changed locations! After all that planning, I must plan again.

Actually, I like organzing things (I'm a bit of a freak like that, I suppose). But I really do not have time to deal with it right now, what with all the university work and part-time work!

Tomorrow must go check out all the menus for the restaurants and book and arrange everything.

Then I have go inform everyone, which is always the worst part of organization.

Communication.

Today, after classes ended, William tried to teach me how to shoot a basketball properly.

Can I just say Never Again.

I think it should be understood that I will never shoot a basketball with the same amount accuracy and consistency as I do a netball.

Netball shots are different stances, the netballs are lighter and the basket/ring is completely different!

And I am not prepared to screw up my netball shooting stance for basketball >.^

Sorry baby, I'll still come watch you play!

3 Days Until The One-Eight

Once Again.

Monday, April 12, 2010 ( 12:40 AM )

Once again, I find myself wasting large amounts of time online when I could be doing work.

Well, I'm doing work and online at the same time >.^
Of course, I have to be online to do all the readings. But, I can actually feel my eyes starting to go blurry from staring at the screen for what must be more than reasonable amounts of time.

The pattern seems to be; read one subsection of the judges' decision (and not understand it the first time, leading to at least 3 subsequent readings of the subsection), write down some notes to compare, find that my brain is a little overwhelmed and waste 5 minutes online before going back to read the next subsection.

And this is tutorial preparation.
Definitely not looking forward to that assignment for this unit.

Although, today I have rediscovered the soothing power of the piano.

I must have played for a couple hours.

Anything is better than uni work, right?

I went to book the restaurant for the birthday dinner tonight! Although, numbers are a bit shaky and a lot of people are saying it is a bit expensive. Actually, I think so too.
Why did I pick this place again? Remind me, who suggested it? >.^

I need to come up with the $300 deposit soon, but that's okay.

More importantly, need to confirm the numbers.

Okay, I've wasted more than 5 minutes writing this I'm sure.

Or typing, as it were.

Time to get back to the wonderful world of Rogers vs. Whitaker (1991) 23 NSWLR 600

The joy.

4 Days Until The One-Eight

Work Time

Saturday, April 10, 2010 ( 9:38 PM )

I just had a quick glance at my law major assignment guidlines that was given out and discovered that it is 1 page of explanation of the situation and of questions....and 16 pages of cases/legislation that relate to the questions.

And that is the stuff they give to us.

In addition to that, I also have to do the law tutorial preparation for next week, my accounting assignment on the analysis of the financial report of Origin Energy, my accounting tutorial preparation, my statistics tutorial preparation, my statistics assignment 2, my statistics 2nd exam, my research and writing annotated bibliography and essay plan, my oral presentation on the comparision of the district court of WA and NZ and my law legislation quiz.

My head is spinning already.

I think I should begin to actually attend class from now on (especially statistics).

In other news, the location for my birthday celebration has finally been decided! Atrium Restaurant at Burswood :)

Maybe go to the casino or Eve afterwards?

Just as an introduction, finally, into adulthood >.^

Exciting.

Check. Check. Mid-semester exam results still not out. Why am I not surprised.

All the law work is stressing me out. My eyes, that is.

On account of everything being online.

I Miss You.

( 1:56 AM )

Only 3 words.

Is it really that difficult to say to me? Apparently, there is no problem in saying it to other people. It even comes out voluntarily. As well as some other things too.

But to say it to me? I have to drag it out, like drawing blood from a stone.

Actually, that saying is quite morbid if you think about it.

But are those things really so hard to say to me, yet so easy to say to other people?

Why are you so eager to talk to them and can show such enthusiasm, but not with me?

Hurt.

Almost at a standstill at the side of South St. at 11pm due to a cold war. Thankfully it was over relatively quickly. The timing is improving >.^

We're moving forward, we're learning to control and let go.

I actually had fun shopping today. From the CBD all the way to Harbour Town :)

It's been so long since we properly went shopping.

And judging by all the guy's clothing stores we went into, I think it's safe to say that purple for men is back in.

Sexy >.^

Mid-semester exam results are STILL not out. Who shall I shoot first?

5 Days Until The One-Eight

Wait.

Thursday, April 8, 2010 ( 8:17 PM )

If someone told you they didn't do something anymore and it still continued, that would be seen as lying, right?

What else could be taken from it?

calm down -- breath in -- breath out.

I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for it right?

let it pass.

In other news, I finally went to apply for a new passport today because old one expired already >.^

This means that in less than 3 weeks, I can finally BUY MY PLANE TICKETS.

Now just need to figure out the timing and what I'm going to do for those 2-3 weeks.

Mid-semester exam results still have not been released. Haiz.The agony.

Hmm, I don't seem like a very patient person, right?

Believe me, I do enough waiting around that everything else should speed up to make up for it >.^

7 Days Until The One-Eight

long lost.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010 ( 11:16 PM )

While I was looking through some pictures, I came across a drawing that I was given a few years ago.

It's been so long! And this drawing is awesome! The photo of it does not do it justice.

I would put a frog in the corner, just to be reminded of Aunty, except that I have no idea how to go about doing that (stores away on list of things-to-do).

But it has been ages, Friday afternoon sound good? Around 2pm?
....like the korean boy band. The coincidences >.^

love love

It's a new era. It's a new chapter. It's a new blog.

( 2:55 PM )

It's a study break. I'm on holiday. Why am I sitting online wasting time?

Answer: Avoiding the multitude of assignments that are piling up by the second.

I should really stop procrastinating. Tomorrow. I'll get there eventually.

If only mid-semester exam results would come out, I'm sure I would be motivated to finish my assignments - either because I failed miserably and needed to boost my marks or spurred on by the excellence of my marks (don't laugh, I know you want to). One can always hope, right? >.^

stupid murdoch. hmph.

Got back from camp yesterday and I am still half asleep. On the last night, I sat talking to JoJo until 4:20am and thus accquired a sore throat.

Or it could be from the wind and cold or singing and shouting for a few hours. Maybe >.^

I never realised we could have such long, serious talks. Wow, we must be getting old.

8 Days Until The One-Eight.